Prayer don’t work too good

April 1, 2006 at 7:30 am | | news

Can prayer heal illness? No, but it might be able to make illness worse. Folks who were prayed for had more post-op complications than those who weren’t prayed for. Scientists think the reason for this might be because having a prayer team can really freak a patient out. Maybe it’s because the devil is intercepting the prayers. Maybe when prayer teams assemble in groups of 4 or 5, that’s like tuning to the devil’s radio station, and he’s like, “Whoa! Hell no, you’re not gonna save this patient. This one’s mine, bwahaha!” Well, at least this devil’s radio station explanation would’ve been the better excuse from religionists. But no, the religionists think the study is bunk because scientists failed to account for how much prayer was given. Um. Can’t that easily be accounted for? Just ask the prayer folks to start the clock when they start praying, then stop the clock when the prayers stop. If intensity is an issue, then members of the prayer team can self-record the level of intensity of prayer for each session. Maybe even record the number of genuflects they take?

All that aside, the good news is that praying for yourself seems to work pretty well. Maybe this is sort of like that weird phenomenon where 1 violin sounds louder than 3 violins playing in unison (or so I’m told). I mean, maybe one guy’s prayer is louder (i.e., easier for God to hear) than several guys’ prayers occurring simultaneously. The prayer doesn’t get all muddled up. Of course, if this were the case, then we’d want one person whose not the patient to pray for the patient. Then try again with another person not the patient. Then again and again. See if that works. Oh, but what about all those people secretly praying for the same patient? Damn. This is why all people should pray out loud and in close proximity to those for whom they are praying. There should be a law. (So no more prayers for our troops in Iraq, kay?) But oh well. How bout this. Maybe prayers for oneself are effective because they strengthen one’s resolve, eh? I wonder if self “prayer” is really any better than a secularist’s “hope” or “positive outlook.” God forbid we study that! Source | Source


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  1. I definitely think the Federal Government should regulate prayer.

    Comment by sam — April 1, 2006 #

  2. Aw, man, Krueger scooped us:
    But I like Jord’s Devil comment better.

    Comment by sam — April 1, 2006 #

  3. This is 100% real. I’m so glad that internet has people, who write so wonderful, and who don’t lie online.

    Comment by rbk87 — April 10, 2008 #

  4. Are you against prayer or God Himself? These days people are sooo against God and His ways that anything opposite that sounds good- evil the devil. You all agreed with the decision to take bible out of schools and now there is almost >1% fear of God left in kids. Now you want a law against prayers? wow, am so surprised and short of words. Take prayer out and the world crumbles; dont think of your self alone, think of the generations to come. Think of what their life will be like without such values.. Enough said, God bless us all!

    Comment by BonafideChristian — March 30, 2011 #

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